“Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on”


How do you deal with grief? Everyone deals with grief differently. It all depends on the individual, the situation, the culture, so on and so forth. There is no one right way. I say whatever helps get you through it is the right way. But everyone has to find their own way there.

I remember when my son was first diagnosed with Stage 4 Stomach Cancer. I was devastated, I cried (daily) for weeks.  Months later, after I accepted the reality of his diagnosis, I became emotionally numb.  I no longer had a reaction to anything, good or bad, the doctors told me. Of course, in front of my son & my other kids I would put on my game face and crack jokes with them but inside my heart was crushed to pieces & still is.

Now here we are (a year later) after several hospital admissions, half a dozen Pet-Scans, good news, bad news & everything in between;  I am stronger emotionally than I was a year ago. I’ve learned what helps keep me sane is staying busy. I occupy my time a lot by doing different small activities. But what really helps me emotionally is my daily Yoga practice. That keeps my mind occupied and keeps me motivated and that seems to be the general consensus in my household. My son keeps himself occupied daily by chatting with his 2.5 million viewers on his gaming site. My oldest daughter keeps busy by working overtime & most recently picked up a 2nd job and my youngest daughter is quite busy with her multiple dance classes 6 days a week. My husband always has a new project fixing something around the house. That’s what works for us.

On occasion, we’ve discussed my sons diagnosis as a family and I keep the conversation truthful but positive. I remind them that we have to remain strong for him & for each other.  I believe he feeds off of our energy & if we show positivity that’s what will help him deal with his illness.  I know it doesn’t change his diagnosis but it doesn’t help him if we all sit around the house crying. So I choose to be a strong role model and continue to be pro-active. Every day that I wake up I do my best to keep a smile on my face despite what we have going on in our life.

So the moral of this story is, don’t be so quick to judge anyone regardless whether they have a smile or a frown on their face. You never know what kind of a private battle they are fighting.

Published by

Allied’s Wings

A negative mind will never give you a positive life. I decided to turn my sons death into a positive movement because I cannot allow his death to be in vain. I figured instead of being angry at life and the world (which was getting me nowhere) I’d start helping those less fortunate and help spread my sons message which is “take better care of yourself” I will happily share my journey here. 🤗❤️

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